Dear Self, Next Time I Won’t Let You Get Hurt Again

Photo by Christian Gertenbach on Unsplash

              Love is truly tricky. One day you think that you know what really love is all about, how does it make you feel. I’ve never felt it actually, it’s just the movies that I depend on. I love to read books. It’s amazing how you can imagine what it may feel like in reality, but at the end of the day, the word “imagine” is all that left.

As I grow and learn with the harsh and likeable reality in this world, I’ve watched people settle down with their opposites. I was always the single one. I used to listen to my friends’ rants about their “supposed to be perfectly contented” love life. I gave reasonable advices but there’s a little thought in my head that says, “How can my advices be effective if I, myself didn’t know what it feels like because I simply don’t get into relationship yet?”. Nevertheless, it always turns out to be effective.

But of course, I’m still a human. I have feelings. I gave up myself and let that guy have all of me. It started well; I feel like I’m the luckiest girl alive. For once in my life, I felt like it was the best days of my life and I felt special. I felt like I was the prettiest girl.

But never have I thought that this could happen to us. Our seemingly perfect relationship and a love that is so pure and spontaneous could be built with hidden lies. I didn’t think that it is possible that the person that I trusted the most can actually hide things from me. I didn’t expect that it’s true that the person who makes you feel the happiest can also be the person who can make you feel the worst.

It was hard for me to let go, believe me. I didn’t know that taking advices and actually doing it is truly difficult. It’s easy to say that, “Fine. I’ll do it.” But whenever I see you, the pain, anger and love mixes.

But this time, it’s real. This time, I can do it. I am doing it. Not because I was hurt. Not because I’m tired but because, I love myself. I learned. I learned that making myself a priority isn’t selfish. Taking care of myself physically and mentally is more important than I thought.

I’ve learned to accept the reality. I’ve learned to move on and to be honest, right now, it was the best and satisfying feeling. Letting you go is the best decision. Thank you for teaching me how to love my self even more. Thank you for making me happy back then. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t regret that I’ve met you. I’m glad I met you. If it wasn’t for you, I’m still a clueless human being who doesn’t know how to stand for herself and make herself a priority.

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